Thursday, 22 December 2011


I can't even believe I am allowing myself to type this but it is how I feel and I can't express it to anyone because it would sound childish and insane. But that one word describes how I feel right now about everyone and everything. Even as I write this and I am teary eyed; I am jealous of the people who are normal and don't feel how I feel. I feel abnormal. And what is this!? Slowly but surely each and everyone of my friends has been paired up with a boo and now I am the last woman standing...ALONE. Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy for them as they deserve happiness. I just wonder...'don't I?' It feels like I have been in the same role forever, supportive, dutiful friend who offers advice and care. Never the girl being desired, wanted...loved. Year after year things change but never this! This sounds both pathetic and dramatic but I feel like there is something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough, small enough, smart or funny enough? I just want to know whats wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to take the time to know me? I told my friend today that I think there is somebody for everybody out there. I don't know if I truly believe that. Its driving me mad and making me crazy. I am envious of my friends because they have the things I want but can't have. I know things in real life aren't how they are in the movies but I can't help wanting my own fairytale. Its just a very lonely time. I never want to be the friend that is pitied or gets in the way of friends happiness. I just want to be happy that really too much to ask?

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