Snapshots From 2012...The Ballet

So we (me and my sis!) took bestie to the ballet today! She had the goofiest happy grin ever... It was 'The Nutcracker' & actually quite enjoyable really! I really hope she enjoyed it. Just wanted her to know that we love her lots

...So this is Christmas...

...And what have you done? ...So I am sitting here on boxing day after having a relatively quiet and chilled out Christmas and I am feeling quite content and more positive! As mum was working and my sis was away, I spent the time with bestie and her family. And I have to say it was really nice to not have a million and one people; a. In my house and b. just be able to chill and relax and feel comfortable. Anyhoo I had a nice time, ate but not over indulged and just generally had a nice day. It was just what I needed after the last few months. And also after last few posts I had done I thought it was important to give a bit of festive and happy cheer! I also went shopping in the sales today with bestie. We didn't get much, just the essentials for now...And for ladies that is underwear!!! I think dinosaurs were still walking the earth the last time I bought new stuff! Anyway I have replaced some bits and so if I was to be caught in a very embarrassing situation, at least I would be matching! I think the main bits that I want to get in the sales are some new converse and a nice big chunky knit cardy for the remaining winter months. Not sure about venturing back to Oxford Circus after haring about a stabbing that happened there today. And to think, just about an hour and a half before then I had walked along that very stretch of road! I think it will be local for the rest of my shopping. Anyhoo I am going to bow out now, as I have a weigh-in, in the morning. I have been the most controlled this Christmas than I ever remember and felt quite in control but I am still prepared for a gain! I won't lie, I will be upset but I know that this is a change of eating style so will stick to it! Onwards and downwards is the motto...I will report back tomorrow after weigh in! Until then...

Jealousy...

I can't even believe I am allowing myself to type this but it is how I feel and I can't express it to anyone because it would sound childish and insane. But that one word describes how I feel right now about everyone and everything. Even as I write this and I am teary eyed; I am jealous of the people who are normal and don't feel how I feel. I feel abnormal. And what is this about...love!? Slowly but surely each and everyone of my friends has been paired up with a boo and now I am the last woman standing...ALONE. Don't get me wrong, I am truly happy for them as they deserve happiness. I just wonder...'don't I?' It feels like I have been in the same role forever, supportive, dutiful friend who offers advice and care. Never the girl being desired, wanted...loved. Year after year things change but never this! This sounds both pathetic and dramatic but I feel like there is something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough, small enough, smart or funny enough? I just want to know whats wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to take the time to know me? I told my friend today that I think there is somebody for everybody out there. I don't know if I truly believe that. Its driving me mad and making me crazy. I am envious of my friends because they have the things I want but can't have. I know things in real life aren't how they are in the movies but I can't help wanting my own fairytale. Its just a very lonely time. I never want to be the friend that is pitied or gets in the way of friends happiness. I just want to be happy too...is that really too much to ask?

Up in the air

Hey my lovelys,
So another week down and 2lbs off. So thats a grand total of 11.5lbs off in four weeks. I couldn't help but be a little bit disappointed as I really wanted to get my stone award before xmas. Well nevermind, its onwards and downwards that counts and I am losing which is the main thing!!!  In other news...I HATE MY LIFE...right now. So those (if any!) that are reading this may or may not know that I am training to be a midwife. Aaaw aaaw...splat! While it is aaaw some days...of late it is just s#&@! And thats not the being midwife bit persè, its all the other crap that I am having to do to keep my head above water. Unfortunately I have no rich boyfriend/husband (another source of :-( ) nor insanely rich parents and therefore the pittance of bursary that I receive on a monthly basis is barely worth the trouble it is to fill out the 26 page form!!! So as a result I am having to work and look for jobs while I should be working on my dissertation, and doing things for uni. Its been getting me really down of late because I hate the thought of having to rely on people to do things for me. And no no no, this has nothing to do with pride, I just dont like feeling endebted or like I am putting a strain on somebody else! Me and bestie had a row about this the other day because I just hate not being able to do stuff for the both of us and instead worrying about how far my petrol will go! So I got a job as a 'mothers help' which I had thought would be just that, helping the mother out with the baby and light housework etc. As it turns out it was just a cleaning job being masqueraded as something else. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a cleaner, it is just not what I signed up for! It's making me miserable and I just feel like I am being taken advantage of. I mean what mothers help washes windows and ovens EVERYWEEK! I just cannot do it anymore so I have decided that for my sanity I am not going back to her after this week. So I will be back to the drawing board with regards to jobs. I know I need to focus on uni but it is just so hard when everything else is so...up in the air! And while all of this is going on I find myself wishing I had that special someone to at least take some time out with. I know you should enjoy the single life but its not like I am out clubbing and raving and enjoying meeting people. And I am ashamed to say this out loud...I am jealous of my friends that have boyfriends and those that have just started something new. Feels like my turn will never come. I guess its not that I envy them as such, I just want my own bit of happiness. But of course I never tell them this because I never want to be that friend that gets in the way or that people feel sorry for! So I have to keep being happy Jo...when really I am lonely and I am sad all the time! I want to be happy but feels like I am walking uphill in MUD! So what to do when my feelings are so up in the air??? Eat chocolate...NO! Get on with life and carryon...nothing else I can do. Hoping for a better 2012!
Toodles for now x

Week three down...

Hi folks,
So week three is over and 0.5lb on this week, very very disappointed and upset. Have been on plan and been trying really hard. Even had sit at dinner with friends yesterday and see them eat bbq ribs and chips while i had a skinless, fatless chicken breast, jacket potato with no butter and salad and they thought I was crazy eating what I was! But I am also pre menstrual so hoping that is it! :'(
Still gonna keep trying just a little sad x

Week two down...

So week two is over and I am pleased to report that I lost a further 5.5lbs so that is 10lbs in two weeks! To say I am happy is an understatement. I have been finding it quite satisfying knowing I am eating good food, enough of it and losing weight too! So I had set myself a challenge of 10lbs by Christmas. Seeing as I have effectively smashed it *big cheesy grin*, I am now trying to lose a stone by Christmas. I hope to lose 2lbs a week for the next two weeks which would meet my goal! I am also planning to have a very slimming world friendly Christmas. Meat, potatoes and veggies and then saving up the treats (syns) so that I can enjoy a pud on the day. I will also be making a SW friendly syn free dessert to take with me to bestie's house for dinner. Talking of bestie, she has been so very supportive of me and I really appreciate it! As mum is on nights over Christmas, I will be spending the morning with her, then mosy on over to bestie's for the rest of the evening! It should be a nice time and then shopping in the sales on boxing day. I also have started work on the DREADED DISSERTATION!!! Aaaarrgh, my head is spinning as the topic is a bit heavy. But luckily for me it is my tutor/supervisor's area of interest so I am in good hands. So anyway onwards and downwards...

Week one down!

So week one of slimming world done and I lost 4.5lbs! I am so very happy as that is a great start to a new type of weight loss journey! So onwards and downwards really! Have a great week...