Put up or Shut Up!

....So after my rather morose last post I have decided that I need to do exactly as the title says...Put up or shut up! I have moaned for far too long and while I definitely feel like the odds are stacked against me (Will explain this further below!) I need to at least try to change something. So I am joining slimming world on tonight...hmmmm!

But anyway I need to give you a clearer picture of what  have done previously before I can share what my new plans are!

So as a kid I was always the 'chubby' kid! But it never bothered me because I was cute and it didn't seem to bother anybody else! As I got older I got a little bit taller and so it didn't look too bad (who am I trying to kid lol). Not to mention I always remember people telling my mum 'Oh it's just puppy fat. It will go as she gets older...' blaaah blaah blaaah!!! When I was in primary school I looked like this.

Mum tried to 'help' me lose weight by taking me to the doctors to see if there was a medical explanation for my weight issues and by giving me less food or telling me not to eat certain things, which would just upset me and then lead me to start eating things in secret. I was conscious that if I ate in scret then nobody would know. As I got older, I got bigger! By the time I started collegeI weighed a whopping 18 + stones and thought that was my lot in life really. This was me back then...

To the outside world I was just big, bubbly Josie. On the inside I felt HUGE and ugly. And all my friends were tiny slim size 8's. That did nothing for my confidence lol... So I then embarked on my first ever diet..Weight Watchers. I was mortified after finally working up the courage to go to a slimming club, that I actually weighed so much! So started on with WW byt to be 100% it just didn't work for me. So after about five weeks and decided it wasn't for me and as I had only lost about 2lbs in that time I stopped going.  I then went on to try Rosemary Conley and manage to lose about a stone and half. But again, didn't seem to stick and I slowly put that back on! Finally I decided to take drastic action and joined lighterlife in the summer of '09. I was nervous about it, but had seen from my aunt firsthand just how amazing the results could be. So I started on and the first week although was really hard was worth it as I lost an incredible 10lbs. I never knew I could really lose weight like that. As the weeks went by I found myself getting into a rhythm and losing the weight easily. My stumbling block came when I finished the initial 12 weeks and hadn't arrived at my set goal (going by what Dr's had said!) of 10 and a half stones. I think in my  head I didn't think it was a realistic goal however I thought I should at least try to get there. So to cut a very long story short, I yoyoed from 13st13lb to 11st7lbs for about a year, then gradually the weight has piled back on. And as the weight has gone back on, the depression has set in and I have retreated into myself and withdrawn. I really do want this weight off so I am joining slimming world (did a brief stint with them last year but was not in the right headspace!). I have to admit, I am quite scared to actually step on the scales tonight for numerous reasons but the number one being sheer and utter embarassment! But ho hum...gotta start somewhere I guess. I am going to be blogging more frequently so he goes something eh!