What a weeks it's been!!!
Tuesday was my first day back at uni since September; it was lovely to see everyone, catch up with the girls and just be back from placement, not stuck in an endless cycle of 12 hour shifts! Anyway so the lecturers all seem to be bright and breezy and very excited about us being in the second year. I don't know that I feel very different being in second year, I am however very aware of the amount of things that I still don't know! And it scares me; how can I possibly be a good midwife, when I don't know which way blood is pumped around your heart *yikes*
Anyway a long day at uni was cut short when I got some news about a friend in need...so in short, a trip to A&E and a few of hours later, when I finally put my head on the pillow to sleep, it was just full to the brim with different thoughts and feelings.
I know exactly what it's like to actually feel like there is now way out, except out on a one way ticket to the end...
To feel like although there are people around you, you are alone in your troubles. Anyway in being there for my friend, I've added to my stress bank as I am worried. I guess when you care about somebody, it hurts you when they are hurt. I suggested that maybe some councelling may be an idea, just to be able to talk to someone that sees your problems in a different way to you. I think I might be needing to consider that option for myself soon, but until then, I will continue with my self therapy via the blog! So that was most of Tuesday! It was rounded off with a celebration for a friends recent graduation. Again the cogs in my brain started turning, thinking about my own graduation or if I'd even get there! Sometimes I'm just not sure.
So the rest of the weeks been a blur of uni and all the new modules that second year has, tension at home (long story) and some blues! Sometimes at uni I feel like, yep, I get it and I love what I am doing and I love the process;other times I feel like 'why am I here?' and that I am just floating along, wrapped in my own problems inwardly but on the outside, just happy, bubbly Josie, ready to learn...wow...I really am a bit of a nut job!
Anyway...The weekend has been nice at the very least. I got to spend time with some of my favourite people. A good friend of mine came to visit and stay with me. Bless her, it was just what I needed. She's been worried about me for a while now and decided to come up to cheer me up! It was lovely to have her here and to be able to talk to someone that believes the things I am feeling are valid. She also challenged me to think about somethings aswell! We had fun involving a trip the the cinema, some bottles of wine and me baking cakes! Random...I know! But most of all, she loved me as I am, and I am so greatful to have a friend like her. You know who you are and I love you. *Thank you*
And now here I am listening the some lovely Maxwell, trying to get my emotions in check. This journey is hard, but I need to open myself up to really be able to understand me and the things that I do. On this note I am off. Uni in the morning so I need my beauty sleep!