Going out on Town

Yaaay...I'm finally going out like a normal twenty something does!! Whoop whoop... I got a new dress and nice jewellery! Its time to paint the town red!!
Toodles xx

Sitting in a big white room alone...

...Tilt my head back... feel the tears roll down..I'm going crazy..I'm losing my mind..I'm going crazy..in this big white room of mine (lovely song by Jessie J)

Hey guys...

So I haven't blogged in a very long while and I'm sorry! I will try my best to start posting more regularly. To those of you who watched me singing in my last post, thank you. It's just something I like to do when I have the chance!  Well I guess I should give my apologies in advance for this post as it is more of a vent than a happy post...feeling kind of BLUE(happy post to follow I promise)! The above lyrics represent how I'm feeling at the moment...the big white room being my crazy, never stopping mind-But do not fear, I am not going to do anything remotely crazy because that's not me! I am far too sensible...*yawn yawn* ..lool... Anyhoo so way back when in November I wrote a post entitled "Never been in love..." and within that post I talked about my frustrations about my lack of love life. Well some ook..nit some, ALL of the words I wrote then are still very true today and are getting on my first, second and last nerve.

      "People often tell me that I am a 'nice' girl, a 'friendly' girl, that I'm pretty, that I will make a great girlfriend etc etc. So if the old mantra is true, that good things happen to good people, why am I still alone?"

I just can't help wondering if there's something about me...like a sign on me I haven't noticed that has " STOP...don't come near me I'm a loser"!!! Now please don't get it twisted, I'm not looking for pity...just some options!!! According to bestie, I'm not projecting the right kind of seductive/confident vibes, I apparently plod, not glide looool, I dress like a mum o_O and I'm generally not making the most of me! I guess the reason it is getting to me so much is that for pretty much all of my significant adolescent and adult life so far, I've been either overlooked by guys due to having insanely pretty friends that demand all the attention without trying or had my kind nature taken advantage of. I guess for me I'm at another weird point in my life... I have many I know!! But I just want someone to share things with. Don't get me wrong, I have some great friends but most of them live on the other side of London or are wrapped up in their own lives, which is more than fair enough. Just gets to me sometimes. Forever wondering when it'll be my turn. And to top it off I found out one of my oldest friends is engaged. I'm sooo happy for her and am excited too. But I just can't seem to help the pangs of jealousy I feel...wow...I sound like a nutjob...I feel like I'm stuck in a rutt. Add on looking like a beached whale and you have my feelings exactly. So how do I change and become "THAT GIRL"... The one that is crazily comfortable in her own skin, that feels beautiful and doesn't really care what others think??? I thought I had gotten to that point but I was cleary kidding myself. Apparently I haven't come into my own...so at nearly 24, WHEN will that happen?? I don't know who I am anymore and it's a bit scary...the role I've always played in my life is now defunct and I am lost. Just wondering aimlessly towards nothing...Getting a little teary eyed so I shall bow out now...

Ps. I promise to try and post a happy post next time

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A little bit of me!

New Year...New Me...hmmm

Happy New Year one and all... So as the festive season comes to an end and reality kicks in...the age old mantra, new year..new me has kicked in but I really want it to be true. It seems like every new year starts the same for me; miserable about non change in my life and on a diet that involves whisking most of my meals ;o) ! So I want this one to be different and so far it has been. I've got some great friends around me and that has helped me not to fall into a bout of muffin eating depression lol!  I had a lovely chat with one of my old school friends last week and we talked about putting down all the things we wanted to achieve this year and then checking them off. Well that got me thinking...there is much that I would like to do and accomplish this year and so where better place to write them than here.

So as I mentioned the festive season has come to an end and therefore so must my 'munch mania' end! I have decided that rather than do what I always do, which is revert back to liquid diets I will do it the hard, but longterm way! I will forever be greatful for the VCLD (meal replacement option) as it has allowed me to go from being an 18+ stone heffalump, to a svelte 11stone 12lbs, back up and down and up like a yogo and now finally down to a more defined 13+stone (on a good day). However I feel like it's not good enough, I need to get fit and be the best me possible and be able to sustain it. So I have decided to join the gym and put myself on a healthy eating plan. Now this is not going to be easy as I'm not a great lover of exercise but needs must and all. I found a lovely pair of gym shoes loool...hey I don't own any and I still have to look cute at the gym!

 

So gym + eating three meals a day and cutting down (and eventually out) the junk should = sexy new me! And although this is a long term goal, I would like to see results, so I want to be able to report some success this time next month! I'm gonna get bestie to help me record my progress...yikes - Before photo's suck!!! But seeing the changes should help to spur me on!

Next I would like to make some new friends...Now don't get me wrong, I love the ones I have, I just feel like I should branch out; especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. If I ever expect to meet a guy (which is debabtable right now) I need to be confident around them. Which means I have to be around them more! Not really sure how this one will be achieve so watch this space!!!

Go on two or more holidays...and see my beautiful niece in ATL...wanted to go with bestie, but she's left me hanging...ah well!

Learn how to do make up and experiment more...Having come across some other blogs, I saw someinteresting this to do with eye make up. So 2011, I'm gonna be a bit more out there...

Dress more like a young twentysomething...this one will make bestie happy!

Go on a weekend away

Try to start saving..I want to move out, get a new car, go to MIAMI baby...and just have money to live life...

Be more organised with uni work and utilise the LRC more...hmmm...LRC party anyone?

Do another charity walk, but actually jog this time...o_O

Pray more...

Not be afraid to enjoy my life :-) Anyway, that's enough for now...until next time...

Preparations and a little Christmas cheer...African stylie...

Hello everyone...merry Christmas (I know I'm late) & happy new year...welcome to 2011! Boy am i glad it's here...I think o_O. .. Anyhoo as the title suggests African Christmas is a little different to your bog standard English one. So just thought id share it with you......
So i told mum we needed to be a bit more organised this year...no mad dash on Christmas eve...or getting sent to the Indian shop on Christmas day lol...yes it has happened in the past!!! So we went shopping on the Wednesday (22nd)...and true to African Christmas we couldn't do all the shopping in ONE shop...no no no...we started in cricklewood buying the turkey...i told mum not to buy a massive bird as turkey isn't exactly favourite. So from the halal turkey man to the English butchers in kensal green... Now if any of you live in and around northwest London may know about John Line...where the line is literally out the door and around the corner. My happy happy joy joy mood was fast slipping away when i saw it...and then low and behold my cousins comes out with her purchases and well lets just say she went back in and we were done in 5minutes :-) happy mum...happy me... Next stop harlesden proper for the aff essentials...Plantain, Yam, scotch bonnet peppers...all the while i was just hoping to fit this all in my boot... Next on the agenda all the Christmas dinner bits...but why oh why couldn't I find the much needed pigs in blankets...otherwise known as pig wrapped in pig...lol. So after what seemed like an age in Tesco we finally made it to the checkout. Imagine my mums dismay when the checkout lady, rather the scan the items for the family in front of us, was having a conversation with the gentleman being served by her colleague. Needless to say mum wasn't pleased and was like *insert ghanaian accent* "Hi darling...can you go a bit faster please..." embarrassed is not the word. Anyhoo after all this shopping we went to nandos to eat and now mum was happy. As we took our seats, the music changed and my mother was adamant that it was ghanaian music...o_O...hmmm...lol i wasn't buying it until she started singing the words lol...once again now happy mum...happy me...
So fast forward to Christmas day...i got all of two hours sleep because i was up putting the finishing touches to the box for bestie...LONG...but she liked it :-) ...during this time my mum had gone to sleep and awoke in the cheeriest of moods lol. So while Im fighting sleep she thought now was the time for fun and jokes and to show me peoples presents and wrap them...then she said *insert ghanaian accent Here* "bestie will like the box; but aren't you tire? Anyway, midwives don't need sleep" looooooool... Classic there... After what felt like a minute, I had to get ready for church...but my eyes were burning with sleep! By this point my house smelt like a restaurant...yum...except that after I'd now showered so did I!
Church was nice, bestie liked her box, I loved mine :-)
Anyway...so i don't know what it is about ethnics BUT why can't anyone arrive on time eh? Two o'clock meant three o'clock and dinner was ahem...delayed...nothing new there then! And so it begins...the chatter from uncles, the aunties laughing, the teens...well being teens and mum flapping lol! Now in my family, tere's the loud uncle, the 'you think he's quite until he starts bussing jokes' uncle and the shyish uncle. The aunties all are different too; there's the joker/helper/get me sozzled aunty, the not so smiley aunty and the aunty with the quick one liners! SO amongst them...conversations are JOKES... As for the teens most are real cool and some well, some have gotten a bit to big for their boots, but thats a story for another day!
Anyhoo...between the frying of plantain and yam and the taking all the food to the table i was knackered; and that's before any eating had taken place. Well my mum can throw down so as you can imagine, dinner as it was by now 5pm, went down a treat. The kids, sorry teens piled their plates like there was no tomorrow lol...i on the other hand was quite disappointed with my performance. I can't put it away as i could before lol! But it tasted good...Now there's nothing like some after dinner conversation...topics such as the role of the wife in Ghana vs UK and how to put on a good funeral...fellow affs will get that! Apparently a wife in Ghana should happily serve her husband like a king, because really and truly, she has home help that do the work and she takes the credit! And as for the funeral, apparetly keyrings are a great souvenir...lol... I was in stitches, especially when one of my uncles couldn't quite keep up with the conversation and kept being corrected by his wife! Meanwhile the teens were trying to back drinks like they were in Bar Rumba...sorry but no, "take your hands off my archers" lol...
Dessert time was calm-ish and then i was flagging, but time for Eastenders...why oh why are you can"ooo and aaah and tell me again-ing" while Im trying to watch easties? o_O
Anyhoo a great time was had by all and as crazy as they are...i do love my family!

o_O ... What a night...

So happy new year folks...this isn't what i had planned for the first post of the new year but ho hum...Thank God for modern technology eh...I'm blogging from my phone! We had to have the electricity turned off because of a faulty main fuse. So me and Mumsy are sat in very sparce candle light, waiting for edf to arrive. And to top it off its mums birthday...what a night...I made her dinner and everything and she wanted to watch a programme on tv about the fattest man in Britain lol...not even sky+ could help us now...two dead laptops, no wifi and just a phone for fun! What a night...

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For Bestie

Whoops...I upset my bestie today, yikes, not a great thing to do! I seem to have developed foot in mouth syndrome and that's not a good thing! So a quick post was in order to say SORRY; from here on out i shall do my best to remain silent on any...ahem...topics of a sensitive nature! And not offer Mmm hmms and other suchlike phrase unless absolutely necessary eg. Cheesecake lol! You know i only fuss cos i care! Anyhoo enough of the mush...
Toodles x

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